God knows...and I don't.

Last night, I was asked to be on a discussion panel about spiritual gifts in the Body Life class at The Crossing. Paul refers to spiritual gifts in Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12. Paul tells us that we all are given different gifts from the Holy Spirit and we are called to use these gifts to serve the kingdom.

On the panel, I made the statement that we must not confuse our talents with our gifts. I said that we all have different talents, but we aren't called to serve by our talents. For instance, I said, I consider myself a talented photographer, but I'm not called to serve the kingdom with my photography. I'm called to serve via my spiritual gifts of leadership, helps and administration.

Last Sunday morning, a good friend of mine lost his dad after a nine month battle with pancreatic cancer. I asked my friend several times how I could serve him. "What do you need?" I asked. For two days, his answer was "Nothing right now."

This morning, the day after my bold statement regarding the difference between talents and gifts, I received a text message from my friend asking me if I would be willing to take pictures of his dad laid in his casket and of the arrangements at the funeral home.

Really, God?

Just when I think I've got something about You figured out, You show me that I really don't know anything.

I was being called to serve my friend with my talent. My photography.

I LOST it. I felt God's presence like never before...and I've felt it before. Many times.

God told me to stop working so hard to figure things out. Stop putting Him in a box. Stop putting limits on what He can do through me and in me. Be still...and know.

If you doubt that God exists, just ask Him to reveal Himself to you. He will and you'll see that He does. If you think you've got God figured out...just ask Him to reveal Himself to you. He will and you'll see that you don't.

UPDATE (09/23/10): Yesterday afternoon, my friend texted me again and said that he'd changed his mind and didn't want me to photograph his dad. Knowing my friend the way I do, I speculate that he made that decision to "protect" me from a situation that he thought might be awkward for me. I respected his decision and told him that I was willing to do whatever he needed me to.

I still believe that God made a very clear statement to me that He can use my talents as well as my gifts to serve His kingdom as He sees the need.

On Death and Thankfulness...

So, my mother-in-law passed away last weekend. Now before you go getting your sympathy caps on, that's not why I'm writing this post. I'm writing because as I reflect on my relationship (if I can be so bold as to call it that) with her, I'm realizing something I didn't expect.

My mother-in-law had a hard life and she made life hard for a lot of people that she had contact with...my wife and her siblings especially. I've heard all of the stories of her alcohol and drug abuse during their childhood and teenage years. It's a tragic story of selfishness and neglect fueled by mental illness.

I never really LIKED her much because of it.

I know I didn't LOVE her.

But I realize now that I am extremely THANKFUL for her.

If it wasn't for her life here on this earth, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be married to the girl of my dreams. I wouldn't have the most amazing 5 1/2 year old daughter. I wouldn't live in St. Louis. I wouldn't be on staff at the most incredible church I've ever had the privilege of setting foot in.

I may not even have JESUS in my life.

We all have a story. People come in and out of our stories and each one of them has an impact on that story.

And we impact theirs.

Sometimes people that we think are having a negative impact on our story are actually making our story better. And sometimes when we think we are having a positive impact on someone's story, we might actually be doing harm.

Ultimately, it's all God's story.

So, thank you, God, for writing Your story to include Francis Joan Miller. Thank you for letting her story intersect with mine. The impact that has had has shaped who I am today.