Forsaken?

So, I fell of the wagon again. It's been almost 3 months since I've blogged. No excuses. Just haven't dedicated myself to writing, but I'm writing now to answer some questions I've received on Twitter and Facebook about a tweet I shot off this afternoon which read:

"Well, that was a discouraging phone call."

A couple of weeks ago, I received a phone call from our landlord informing me that he was thinking about putting the house we rent up for sale. He's apparently very property rich and cash poor right now and the economy has caught up with him (Join the club!) and his accountant is suggesting that he liquidate his rental properties. I told him we really wanted to stay and we discussed some possible solutions. He was open to possibilities and said he'd get back to me.

I prayed.

It was one of those prayers that you pray one time. I gave the situation over to God and I was at peace.

I sent up a prayer request to the prayer warriors at The Crossing. That's something I rarely do...ask others to pray for things in my life. I always feel like there are other people that need prayer more than me, but this time I figured it couldn't hurt. My prayer and the prayer I asked for was for my little girl to not have to change schools. She loves her school. She loves her friends. I didn't want to force change on her life...again.

Last night I got another call from our landlord. He's selling the house. We have to move...again.

I prayed.

Again, I gave it over to God and felt that same feeling of peace.

I got online to start looking for houses for rent. I went to Craig's List and right away found 4 houses in my daughter's elementary school boundaries. They were all in our budget range and I felt very encouraged. One of them was really appealing and I admit I started getting my hopes up.

I called the property management company this afternoon and was immediately shot down. The credit score requirement disqualifies us and the gentleman I talked to said that the rental market has changed quite a bit recently and indicated that, in his opinion, we'd have a very difficult time qualifying for anything in this market.

That was the discouraging phone call.

Now admittedly, it's just one phone call. It's just one attempt. We didn't get into our current home with just one call. But, nevertheless, I am discouraged. I'm starting to feel afraid.

I'm feeling like God isn't listening.

It was a simple prayer and it wasn't for me. It was for a little six year old girl. It was a prayer that her life not be turned upside-down. That she have a sense of stability in her life. That she not have to sacrifice.

I know that God hasn't said "No!" to my prayer yet, but tell that to a little girl.

A little girl who has to give up her "Tinkerbell" room. The one she waited patiently for for almost a year before her daddy painted it the right colors. A little girl who is afraid of what first grade is going to be like and if her friends will be in her class. A little girl who is facing the possibility of giving up her kitty cats because the next house we move to might not allow them to come with her. A little girl who named our house "Allison."

It breaks my heart.

And all I keep asking is "Why, God?" 

I believe He has us right where He wants us and so I just can't believe that this is happening. Are we being forsaken or is He going to come through right at the right time? When is the right time? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month? I don't know how much time we have here.

I'm afraid...and I don't want to be.

So, I'll pray.

But this time I'll pray for myself. I'll pray that He help me to trust in Him. That He return that feeling of peace I get when I know that He's got us in His hands. That I not be afraid.

And I ask that you pray too.