Too Many Thoughts...Not Enough Words

My brain is on over-drive.

My last blog post was back in April. In it I committed to blogging at least once a week. It hasn't happened.

I just haven't been able to formulate my thoughts into words on a page. I actually have four (make that five...I just had another idea) separate posts in progress, but I just can't seem to get any of them finished. It's like the wires in my brain are crossed or something. I've suddenly become unable to think in complete sentences. Or I've developed A.D.D.

Oh, lookie...a squirrel.

I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head and each one of them seems like a good blog post, but then I can't seem to put any substance around them. Maybe I should just post random streams of consciousness (oh, wait...I already do that on Twitter).

For those of you that blog regularly, what tips can you pass on for consistently completing posts?

My Four [Health] Goals

Our Programming Director at The Crossing asked each member of her team to come up with 4 goals that were measurable and that could be accomplished by June 1st. Here are mine.

While all four of these goals are very personal in nature, I believe they will have significant impact on the way I function in my role at The Crossing. I think that improving my “health” level in each of these areas will be reflected in my personal and professional conduct and have a direct influence on my team.

1. Physical Health – I’ve really neglected my physical health over the last two years. I’ve not been going to the gym regularly and not regulating my nutrition effectively. This has led to me carrying around about 30 extra pounds.

I will resume regular workouts and meal planning following the Bill Phillips “Body for Life” plan. This is the program I followed more than 5 years ago when I was in the best physical (and emotional) shape of my life. I hope to lose 15 pounds by June 1st, but the bigger impact will be in the way I feel physically, which will enable me to be more effective in all aspects of my life.

2. Spiritual Health – My approach to my spiritual health has been haphazard at best. I’ve not been intentional with my prayer time or my study of the bible. I’m always envious of other people who know their bible so well, but haven’t dedicated myself to achieving that level of knowledge myself.

I will plan and schedule a minimum of 3 hours a week to pray and spend time in the Word. I will read the letters of Paul by June 1st.

3. Emotional Health – I’ve always needed some sort of emotional outlet whether that is deep discussions with a trusted person in my life or simply journaling. I’ve really neglected this part of my life over the last couple of years. I’ve been through some major life changes in that time, but for the most part have kept a lot of my feelings about those changes to myself.

I will resume blogging on a weekly basis, beginning with posting these goals. I will ask to be held accountable for a weekly entry on my blog and will use my postings to enter into deeper conversations.

4. Relational Health – Relationships have always been one of the most important things in my life and still are. I’ve always made friends easily and surround myself with people that I trust and value.

I’ve not protected the relationships that are most important in my life. Those with my wife and daughter especially have not been given the quality of attention that I think are necessary. I’ve also not developed my relationships with staff and volunteers to the depth that they deserve.

I will dedicate myself to quality time with my wife and daughter incorporating a weekly “date night” with my wife and spending the better part of my day off on Tuesdays with my daughter. I will be interruptible at home and make the relationships with my family my priority.

I will develop deeper relationships with staff and volunteers that go beyond the time spent together on the weekends. I would like to have monthly get-togethers with my teammates and their families that will enable us to build stronger community. I will take the time to learn the stories of the tech team volunteers so that I may know more about them than just their names and what capacity they serve in.

That's it. I've made them public now. I must now dedicate myself to making these goals happen and to being accountable to them. If you're reading this, I ask that you hold me accountable too.

Peace!

Wow! Where has the time gone?

Okay...I'm a loser. Really. 3 1/2 years and not a single post? What's up with that? And, really, SO MUCH has happened to me over that time that I don't even know where to begin.

Should I summarize the past 3 1/2 years into a single post? Should I post-date a few posts with significant events that have occured? Should I just start here and move forward? I really don't know.

I started this blog originally as a kind of journal documenting my faith journey and incorporating my escapades on my motorcycle. I called the blog "Motorcycle Ministry" because I thought that my motorcycle would take me to places where I could minister to people who either didn't know Jesus or that did, but thought that other "Christians" wouldn't accept them because of their "lifestyle." That's happened, but I haven't written about it. Lots of stuff has happened and I haven't written about any of it.

I'll call it out for what it is...I'm a GREAT starter. It's the finishing that I sometimes struggle with.

I've since renamed the blog to "The Mind of L4H" and I still intend to use this as a journal of my faith journey with the occasional motorcycle adventure. As I said...a LOT has happened to me since that last post at the end of 2005. My life looks nothing now like it did then...and really, that's a good thing.

If you're reading this, I'll ask you to hold me accountable. Post comments to me. Send emails through my profile if I don't post for awhile. I need to do this. There's so much noise rattling around in my head most of the time that if I don't verbalize it or write it down, I can't hear the stuff I'm supposed to be listening to, especially His word:

"I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."
John 5:24


Peace!

Taking a STAND!

"I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in Christ Jesus to those God has chosen."
2 Timothy 2:10

Have you ever said something with such conviction that taking it back felt impossible? Have you ever committed to something based solely on your emotions and then had to reconsider once you really calmed down and thought it through? Have you made a decision and then stuck by it out of sheer stubbornness or an unwillingness to "give in?"

I have. Lots of times.

I've talked previously about the struggles that the worship team I'm on have had with the "interim" pastor at our church. He really is IMPOSSIBLE to work with. I say that and I'm not even on staff at the church. I'm just a volunteer. I can't imagine having to deal with the man on a day-to-day basis as a staff member. Three of my very good friends are in that situation. They are on staff and have to work with this pastor every day.

A couple of weeks ago, one of them asked for and was granted a leave of absence from her duties as the leader of our praise band, Exaltation. Dealing with the "interim" pastor had taken its toll on her and was affecting her family. It was the right decision for her.

But I was VERY ANGRY that she was forced to make that decision! I said "That's it! I'm done! As long as this pastor is here, I won't be!"

That next weekend, I went and worshipped at another church on Saturday night. It was a wonderful, contemporary service with a relevant message. Exactly the kind of service that we've been striving for at my church. "Maybe I've found a new home." I thought.

The next morning I went to service at my church...just to see. I went with hopes of seeing the "interim" pastor floundering around with no worship team to support him. I had visions of the regular worshippers getting angry about what was happening and letting the pastor have it with both barrels. But that didn't happen...

It was "Christ the King" Sunday and the service was fairly traditional. I sat in the back and watched. There were only about 40 or 50 people there. I saw some of them walk out when they saw that printed bulletins would be used and that there would be no visual media. Some folks asked me why I wasn't in my familiar position behind the media center and sound board. "We're done!" I said. "We're not going to fight this fight anymore."

One of my other friends on the worship team who sings in the band came up to me and asked me if I would be willing to continue to do media starting the next week...if there was going to be media. At first I said "No!" I needed to stand firm with my sister in Christ who was forced to give up something she loves very much. Then I said that I needed to think about it and pray about it.

And so I did.

I came to realize that my anger and my hopes of the "interim" pastor falling on his face was doing NOTHING to further the kingdom of God. I also realized that by letting the contemporary worship fail all that would happen is the people who worship there would leave to go and be fed somewhere else. The "interim" pastor is leaving at the end of the month and even if he were to go out with "egg" on his face, the hurt would be left at my church. I thought about my friend on leave and my hopes and prayers are that she will eventually come back. But what would she have to come back to if this service failed?

I decided to go back the next week and run the media. I felt the Holy Spirit calling me to continue working on this service. I can't tell you how many people came to me and said "Thank you for being here! It's so comforting to see you back there." That made me feel good, but that's NOT what this is about. It about spreading the Good News! It's about offering people a style of worship that they can relate to and feel comfortable in. It's about doing what I'm called to do and I really feel His calling.

But to some, it looks as if I wasn't willing to TAKE A STAND. Some may think that I went back on a commitment. And maybe I did. But I made a commitment to Jesus first and that commitment was to follow Him wherever He leads me and right now this is where He's leading. I'm convinced of that.

We met our potential new pastor this past Sunday. He seems to me like he'll be a really good fit at this church. He preached more to us about Jesus Christ, salvation, redemption and transformation in 10 minutes than I think we've heard at this church in 2 years!

I'm going to ride this out until this new pastor is in place. If it works out, then hopefully my friend will come back and we'll put our worship team back together and get on with the business of spreading the News! If not...I will follow Jesus...and I will do His will.

God is LEADING us...

ALL THE TIME!

My Glory...or His?

"Whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, you must do all for the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31

I've been thinking a lot lately about the way I pray. You know...how I talk to God. That's what praying is to me. Talking to God. I really just talk to Him the way I would talk to anyone. What I've been considering, though, is my motivation for the things I pray for.

I always pray for my family...my daughter, my wife. I pray that He keep them in His care and under his loving, watchful eye. I pray for my friends...for their health and happiness. I pray for my church...that it truly looks to seek His will and do His work.

And I pray for myself.

I pray for things like...the strength to do my day job, the guidance to work with the high school youth at church, the wisdom to handle the situation with our interim pastor. I pray for Him to make me want to forgive people I can't seem to forgive, for Him to help me turn from my sins...to be a better person.

Wait a minute...did you catch that? To be a better person? What's that about?

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!! I've been praying for Him to help me to help me! It's all about my sin, my guilt, my discomfort, my darkness. I've been praying for strength and guidance and wisdom and FREEDOM because of what those things will do for ME.

I should be looking to Jesus and His glory, His purpose for my life and His grace. I should be striving for the strength and guidance and wisdom and freedom so that I may glorify Him in all that I am, all that I say and all that I do.

"Not to us, O LORD, but to you goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness."
Psalm 115:1

Even more than praying for Him to use me for His glory, I should really be focusing on others. My family, my friends, believers, non-believers...basically everyone other than me. I need to turn my focus from inward towards myself and direct it outward towards others.

"When Job prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes. In fact, the LORD gave him twice as much as before!"
Job 42:10

So, what are you praying for? Is your motivation to glorify yourself, so that you FEEL better about yourself. To boast in yourself and say "Look what I've done!" Or are you striving to be set FREE to honor Him and work for His glory.

Ask yourself when you pray: "My glory...or His?"

Peace